by Patty Smith
Men must work twice as hard to be thought only half as good as women homeopaths!

So it would behoove us all, male and female, to ask ourselves how our clients perceive us...

I think [women] have a deeper understanding of issues than a man...

"...since I am a mother I would also prefer to go to someone who has more experience with women and children."

"[My two sons] tend to be less intimidated by women than they are by men.

I tend to find that, on average, women are better listeners than men...

...I have such a great male homeopath...

"I want to feel that I am not going to sit there and hold something back, that I am going to feel very comfortable with that practitioner..."

Intelligence and insight are not gender-related traits.

"I really find that invasive, and I don’t want a man to do that to me anymore."

"It all depends on the person. . . . I have found that some women can be really hard, not really caring at all."

"But with a woman doctor I expect to find more of a nurturing side..."

" . . . [M]en and women differ in all areas of their lives. Not only do men and women communicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need and appreciate differently. They almost seem to be from different planets, speaking different languages and needing different nourishment."
John Gray, Ph.D., in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

The words above offered me some perspective when I began interviewing the clients of homeopaths. I asked if they had strong feelings about the gender of the person they would choose (or had chosen) to work with them on their path to health.

At times during my information-gathering the results were heavily slanted toward female homeopaths. I began to wonder if I should suggest that male practitioners abandon homeopathy and consider professions such as construction work, calf-roping at rodeos, or working the drive-through at Burger King.

Charlotte Whitton, former mayor of Ottawa (where I now practice), coined a well known aphorism: "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." While this may be true in most professions, the reverse seems to be true for homeopathy: Men must work twice as hard to be thought only half as good as women homeopaths!

I was happy when, toward the end of my survey, the results seemed to balance out a bit. I eventually fit my respondents into three categories: (1) women who prefer women homeopaths, (2) men who prefer women homeopaths, and (3) men and women who do not have a gender preference.

My experience, and that of colleagues with whom I’ve discussed this, indicates that 75 to 80 percent of the people who choose to consult a homeopath are women. The majority of the women I interviewed for this article expressed a preference for a female homeopath (only one didn’t have a real preference), and many of the men also expressed a preference for a female homeopath. If my results are representative, then the numbers are decidedly skewed in favor of female practitioners.

The main reason respondents gave for preferring or tending to prefer a female homeopath centered on their perception of different qualities of nurturing, and on women’s abilities to listen, to intuit, to understand, and to be open and caring. All homeopaths, male and female, can learn from this.

Whether or not the above qualities are gender-specific, it appears that our clients perceive that they are. This perception seems largely based on belief rather than on experience, especially since some women I spoke with chose to consult and stay with a male homeopath based on a positive experience related to the qualities mentioned. Some of the people I interviewed did say that a male with very well balanced masculine and feminine aspects was as acceptable as a female homeopath.

So it would behoove us all, male and female, to ask ourselves how our clients perceive us, and to examine closely the relationships we have with those who trust us to guide them on their journey to health. If our "bedside manner" is less than warm, open, and caring, perhaps we should examine our own issues and work with a homeopath we respect and resonate with in order to heal ourselves. It would serve as a great benefit to our clients.

Women Who Prefer Women Homeopaths

"I generally prefer women practitioners," said one woman. "I think they have a deeper understanding of issues than a man, and especially in things that are hormonal or that have to do with pregnancy. I’m much more emotional than a man, and another woman will have a core understanding of what that means too."

She continued, "I don’t believe the men I have had as practitioners understand that. They tend to pass it off as hormonal or all in your mind. Women are much more open to it being more than psychosomatic."

Another woman said, "With homeopaths, gender preference is less of an issue, although generally my preference lies with it being the same gender for both patient and homeopath, simply because ¾ logically ¾ women know more about women’s bodies and men know more about men’s bodies. But when it came down to it, I would lean toward going to the best homeopath I could, and since I am a mother I would also prefer to go to someone who has more experience with women and children."

"I prefer seeing female practitioners," said one woman definitely. "I am a female, and I am much more comfortable discussing emotional issues with another woman. I feel a woman will understand a woman’s emotions better than a man will. All this is predicated on the option of my having a choice, though. I certainly am not saying I wouldn’t go to a man if I had to, but all things being equal I would choose to go to a woman homeopath."

A woman who is herself a medical professional said, "Actually, while I was pregnant I was really glad I was seeing a woman homeopath. I had made an appointment with a man but it didn’t work out. And then I was glad that it didn’t work out. While I was pregnant it seemed to be very important to me, and now that I have delivered I still feel glad I am seeing a woman. I guess you could say I do have some gender preference, and now I also have three daughters!

"I think much of my feeling is because I appreciate the intuitive nature that women have. I know men can have it too, but it just feels right to me to be working with a woman. I imagine I could go and see a different woman and not have it be right, or she wouldn’t have a heart or would not be as intelligent. But my preference definitely is in seeing a female," she concluded.

One woman was very decisive in her preference. She said, "I would choose a female homeopath, partly because I have female-related problems and I think another female would understand that a little bit more, or a bit differently than a male. But also partly because I have children [2 boys], and in general they tend to be less intimidated by women than they are by men. If I have a choice I will definitely always see a woman homeopath. I have referred many people to homeopaths, males and females, and that seems to be their preference as well.

"I have seen three or four homeopaths over many years, and one has been a man, and the others were women," she continued. "I have found that the women listen better, that when they are listening they are just listening, and they aren’t listening and thinking at the same time. And maybe I feel they have the ability to dig deeper, I don’t know what it is. There’s a sympathy element too, with women in general but with homeopaths specifically. My impression is that if I go see a male homeopath I will go in, give him my symptoms and he will me give a remedy, and while I will probably feel confident in his choice of the remedy, that’s about it. But when I see a female homeopath I feel there is someone who sympathizes with what I am living. I have a feeling they are taking it to heart."

Men Who Prefer Women Homeopaths

Some males, as well, prefer female homeopaths to male homeopaths. One summed it up this way: "I don’t know if I really have a preference, although I can say I generally prefer women in business to men because in other aspects of my life I find it easier to communicate with women than with men. I tend to find that, on average, women are better listeners than men, and in homeopathy they are more inclined to listen or take a look at the subtleties of a situation rather than trying to impose onto it a preconceived notion. I admit this is a generalization, because I have met women practitioners in other fields that I haven’t found very sympathetic. But I would have to admit that generally my preference would be to work with a woman homeopath."

Men and Women Who Have No Preference

The majority of men that I spoke with really had little preference when it came to the gender of their practitioners. "I can’t imagine why it would make a difference," one said. "I think it has more to do with personality than with the person’s gender. I think it is more important that he or she know what they are doing and that they are willing to share the information with me. People are not as dumb as they were 100 years ago, and any health-care professional needs to understand that people want to know what is going on with them, what treatment is available, and what it will do for them."

Another man agreed that the gender of his practitioner didn’t matter to him. (His homeopath is female.) "Really, I don’t care. I don’t discriminate between the sexes for any reason at all. I look at people more as spiritual beings and I don’t differentiate between their having either a male or a female body. The physical body means nothing to me."

One woman said she truly had no preference, even I feel I would be just as open with a male as with a female if I thought they could help me, and it is not gender that makes a difference. If I am talking on the same wavelength that they are, if we make a connection, that is what is important. I want someone to work with me, and I definitely am not one of these ‘I-am-the-doctor-you-are-the-patient types.’"

One man generally had no preference as to gender, but he had some preferences about personality. He said, "I mostly think of homeopaths as being fairly intellectual, and the only time I might care what sex my homeopath is if I got into a situation where I would need a physical exam. But it really doesn’t strike me as being much of an issue in homeopathy. I don’t see why a male or female homeopath would be any different. I wouldn’t be worried about telling a female homeopath the things I’ve told my male homeopath. . . . although in my experience when I am sick I want someone more sympathetic, which is a more female quality. But maybe it is just because I have such a great male homeopath ¾ it really doesn’t matter what sex my homeopath is."

The Perfect Homeopath?

Everyone had ideas on what qualities the perfect homeopath would have.

One woman said, "Now I am seeing a male homeopath. I liked his style. He was one of my teachers. He wasn’t mechanistic like another male I had come in contact with; he came from a whole different scope. He truly wants to help you, and money is not the overriding issue with him, nor is prestige. His attitude is more one of wanting to help, and he has a more empathetic attitude rather than a corporate attitude. I feel I can learn a lot from someone who treats people like that.

"I realize I said I prefer a female homeopath, and yet I am being treated by a male," she admitted. "It is strange, but true. But he is not a typical male, in my opinion. I think that he has a feeling for people that a lot of practitioners I have seen don’t have. He listens to the little things that go on in your life and doesn’t pooh-pooh them and drop it as ‘women’s stuff.’ He [makes me feel] comfortable, although a lot of times I am not comfortable discussing some things with men because I find they don’t take them seriously. But he does. When you have that softness or approachability it is far more feminine than a lot of practitioners are, who all too often are writing things down, looking at their watch, never meeting your eyes. I find that [to be a] very male energy."

Another woman said she wanted a practitioner who could put her at ease, regardless of gender. "I want to feel that I am not going to sit there and hold something back, that I am going to feel very comfortable with that practitioner, that they will not be judgmental, and help me relax, which I think is a big part of case-taking and case-management.

"And I think it is important for them to talk with me about homeopathy, about how they would go about treating me, how they use remedies ¾ in water or dry potencies, if they are going to take a full etiological case, or if think they are going to give me a constitutional remedy and think that’s going to make me well. I want to feel we are on the same wavelength," she said.

"What would I look for in a perfect practitioner?" asked one man. "Someone who is not dogmatic, who would be willing to listen, who is aware of the full range of homeopathic philosophies and therapeutics, and who is prepared to look at every case as if it were a new case. I would want her to consider possible approaches which may not be orthodox, if it suggested itself in any given case.

"I would want to work with someone who is confident and has a sense of humor and a warmth," he went on, "¾ an obvious caring for the patient and a love for what she’s doing. Someone who also is willing to listen to a patient not just in the traditional homeopathic way, but also would listen to the patient’s intuition of what should or should not be done, rather than impose a particular treatment on them. And, at the same time, I would want her to offer her professional opinion and advice so I could make up my own mind as to what is best for me."

One woman who has been treated by both female and male homeopaths said that both were equally positive experiences. She said that what is more important to her is that, ". . . it is a nice person that I feel very comfortable with. It is the quality of the person, the warmth, the acumen, the ability to communicate with me and be understanding. I don’t see that as necessarily a male or a female trait. Intelligence and insight are not gender-related traits. It is the interest, friendliness, openness, availability, willingness to explain, and the empathy that is really important."

Choosing Other Medical Professionals

Out of curiosity, I asked my respondents if they have the same gender preference when it comes to selecting conventional medical professionals. They tended to answer that the women who choose to become practitioners in traditional medicine really do have to be "more male than the males," that women need that kind of approach in order to succeed in a such a male-oriented field. Still, many women preferred to consult female medical practitioners.

"Because an allopath actually has to touch me physically, I have a strong preference about gender," said one woman. "I really find that invasive, and I don’t want a man to do that to me anymore. I would choose a female allopath over a male allopath even if I thought the male had better experience and credentials."

Another woman had worked with both male and female medical practitioners and said she prefers females. Then she recounted the negative interactions she has had with the female practitioners! She said, "I prefer women practitioners in general, except for my [male] dentist. I actually much prefer him to the woman he turned me over to when he divided his practice, because she was very rough, and she hurt my mouth every time I went, yanking my mouth open and pulling it too far. He never did that.

"With dentists and eye doctors I am maybe not so picky, but for psychotherapists, gynecologists, or GPs I definitely prefer females. My eye doctor is a woman, but I don’t like her. I don’t think she is very good. When I told her I can’t see through my reading glasses she told me I was wrong, which really ticked me off, so I put it on her appraisal from the HMO. I guess I care more about gender for the more personal things," she said.

One woman responded, "My GP is a man, my dentist is a man, so it basically doesn’t matter to me I guess. I have never had a female ob-gyn. It was a thought; the last time I went for an exam I thought maybe it would be nicer to see a woman. But it all depends on the person, their vibes, where they are coming from. I have found that some women can be really hard, not really caring at all."

Another woman was surprised when she reflected on the medical professionals with whom she was working, since she was so emphatically about working with only a female homeopath. "It is interesting that my allopaths have all been male, and that has been fine with me. I don’t think I have ever had a preference.

"It is funny," she said. "I know these are all misconceptions in me. I use my allopath for diagnostics. That’s sort of a male way of thinking, and I think they are good at that, with the more cut-and-dried stuff. ‘Let’s poke here and take blood samples and analyze it all and call you back with an answer.’ And so my gynecologist and family doctor are male.

"I wonder," she continued, "if men are harder or tougher because they have to be that way, to project an image, and how much of that projects into the whole medical thing. I am just more confident in a male doctor than a female. I know it’s a bias, but it is there. There isn’t a softness. What would override all of that? If another person referred me to a female allopath who had had good results with her, I would go with that, but left to my own I would probably seek a male rather than a female."

One woman preferred a female when the work includes physical contact, but when it comes to the mental and emotional aspects she had no preference. "For the most part it depends on the person. I have had both male and female therapists and I loved the female and not the male, but now I have a male I love. But I would have to admit that I would still go for a female gynecologist, because she would know more about what you feel like when you are on the table, which is a feeling a male doctor can’t have."

And a male respondent said, "My general practitioner is a female, although I have gone to males over the years. But with a woman doctor I expect to find more of a nurturing side, and they tend to be a bit more empathetic and less mercenary as a whole."

The Importance of Caring

People’s responses to the issue of gender are complicated. The one thing that comes through all the statements I took, though, it is that people prefer someone who is caring and nurturing, who treats them as an individual, as an intelligent, sentient being; who informs them and involves them in the process of healing.

While many people believe that women are more likely to be naturally nurturing and caring, we all have the capacity to develop these qualities. Men and women may sometimes seem to be from different planets, and we may appear to speak different languages, but we all are human. And our humanness unites us more than gender divides us.

Patty Smith interviewed clients of different homeopaths for "Gender Preferences in Choosing a Homeopath." Whether they prefer to consult men or women, clients want to be understood, listened to, and cared about.